I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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