Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
