So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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