theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
