You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
