He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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