Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
