Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
