I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
