Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I understand Curling. That high.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
