This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
