just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
