I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
