I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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