You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
