ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
