Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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