Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize