fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
