woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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