Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize