so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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