Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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