Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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