I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
