4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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