Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
