omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
false alarm, still single
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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