He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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