Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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