accomplished twins. life is a go
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
party gras won. party gras always wins.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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