"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
