Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
