I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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