relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
