i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
