I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
