drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
