I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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