Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
