The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
