I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
