what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
