Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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