brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
