i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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