maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
