wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
