Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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