Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize