He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
