I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
