Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
