Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
