And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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