I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
