Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
