judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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