hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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