checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
