I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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