i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize