you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
