I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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