i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
