so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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