a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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