I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
