What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
