If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
