I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
