After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
