i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
