This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
