I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
