apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
