i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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