Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
