her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
