i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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