if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
