just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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