I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want nice things and good sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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