I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
