Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
