'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
