I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
