I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
