Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So many bounce houses so little time
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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