dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
