Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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