dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
