I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
