we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
