I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
