I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
