Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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