idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
